Ketchup.

Play on words. Clever, huh? Anyway, I know it's the second post in a few minutes but something about Sex and the City inspires me to write. The same with Degrassi even though I know that one doesn't make any sense. At all.

To begin, i want to apologize for that 4 month break back there. Not only was I failing to keep up with blog writing but my book fell by the wayside. I spend about two months moping about it, wishing that school would give me more time to do what I actually enjoyed and then the other two months trying to figure out, really, why I wasn't writing. And, the good news is, I found an answer! Up until I finished the first draft of my first book (coming in at a whopping 100,000 words), I wrote to get things off my chest. I wrote to give myself the ability to live life in alternate realities. I wrote to figure out my own reality. Then, I started querying agents and got 13 straight rejections. Never got past the query letter and this took a severe toll on my self-esteem.

I could read and re-read what I had written and knew that I could do better. I saw so much potential in a complete re-writing of the story but I sincerely doubted my abilities to produce it. I decided that there was a disconnect between my brain and my fingers, preventing me from every writing what I truly wanted to say. But then I realized: I had stopped writing for myself. My blogs, my books and even my journal had become endeavors with which to impress other people. I wanted people to like what I was writing. I wanted to write something worth being liked. And bringing in that third party into the intimate act that is writing, I began to flounder.

So if this blog bores you or if this post already has you drooling on your keyboard, I'm going to have to be fine with that. I can suggest a margarita or something equally as exciting but just like Stella, I've got to get my groove back.

IN OTHER NEWS, things with the university friends have possibly started to get better? While of course I'm not a bridesmaid in the wedding, at least we're hanging out again, which is nice. I chose to stay in my college town for the summer and though it's not quite giving me the summer I'd hoped for, it has brought me closer to J and M and I've even tried making new friends (I don't usually get along with girls well, so it didn't go spectacularly).

My best friend from high school, T, got engaged a few months ago and I am so excited for her! I just CANNOT believe that she is going to get married next summer. That she's going to start her own family while I'm just a leaf in the wind. But it's good that way for now. She's always been more of a family starter and I've always been more of a leaf. I hope to get married one day but that day is not in the immediate future :)

Now, the bad news (because every silver lining has a cloud): I was diagnosed with vaginismus which is basically a condition where my vagina won't open. It just won't. Turns out I've had it for about six months so along with the physical condition, I freak out at the thought of really anything going near there (tampons included). Needless to say, it's been the cause of more than a few fights between J and I but things might be getting better soon, so fingers crossed! And for those of you who might have blanched at the last few sentences: yes, I've decided to make this blog a place where I can talk about it. If you find it something you don't want to read, I completely understand. I doubt I would want to read about it if our roles were reversed but this condition has been such a huge source of stress for me lately, I need some sort of outlet. I need to understand.

But I think that wraps up all the important things :) See you kids soon.

Excuse Me?

I won't lie to you- there is something weird about my school. I know I say this a lot (and after the whole pajama thing, how could you not know?) but recent events have led me to believe this more than ever. See, everyone at my school gets married. We seriously have what is probably the highest undergraduate engagement rate in the country. Now I'm not saying anything for or against marrying young since I know couples who have made it work and couples who weren't able to. I've always been a big believer that the success of a marriage really depends on the strength of the couple going into the commitment and the strength of the individuals who compose that couple but what do I know? Up until two years ago, I was the most romantically challenged person in this universe.

Anyway, while I've always been aware of this engagement phenomenon (seriously, the school even has a nickname for this), it's finally hit close to home with a friend I've known since my freshman year getting engaged. Just like that. While J and I were debating where to put our newly acquired Panda picture we acquired over Spring Break, she was acquiring a fiance. A fiancee. I don't know why but this is kind of alarming to me. I guess it's just a foreign concept to me. My parents married in their late 20s and my mom has always been a huge proponent of experiencing life as a single person before settling down. The way I see it is that you can't help when you meet that special someone and you shouldn't have to give up anything to be with them. Obviously, you're not going to be able to hit up the strip clubs or do anything like that but if you want to go live in India... do it. If it's meant to be, they'll be there for you. NOW, I'm not saying moving to India permanently while your loved one has a job in Canada or anything but for a few months... why not?

Like I said, all these things are far beyond my realm of knowledge. It just... stresses me out.

In other news, Spring Break was fantastic. I feel like it deserves its own post which I'll type up as soon as I'm not completely exhausted. A and her boyfriend are back from their New Mexican escapades and I'm excited to see them again.... But am I the only one who dislikes talking about breaks and things like that for hours??? I love to catch up and everything but every once in a while, you meet those people who just cannot stop talking. Really, I love you but I don't need to know that the blanket you had was of a fleece-like texture with faint orange stripes :| Bah.

LASTLY, I've becoming obsessed with baking these little things lately:

(Google images)

In all shapes and sizes and flavors. I haven't progressed past the boxed-mix stage, I've bookmarked a few recipes I'm excited to try out this week!