Sunday, January 30, 2011

"They liked lights in the 70's"

I live in a wonderful place, folks. It's got an adorable porch swing and a vintage Parisian theme going on in the living room. It's got brand-new carpet and Christmas lights in the curtains! (Cooler than it sounds, promise). The only problem I have with this main room is that there are no main lights. The light switch just inside the door only turns on our Christmas lights and one lamp. We put another lamp in the back but it doesn't really do much. And, to make matters worse, we really don't get a lot of natural light coming in through the window. It just makes you wonder, what is it with the lack of light going on here?

In other news, the weekend is coming to a close and J and mine's year and a half celebration is coming up in 9 days! I may have never said it on here but before this, and arguably even know, I was completely inept at relationships. I just wasn't into that whole scene and now look at me. Pretty much functional :) But before any celebrations can begin, piles of homework have to be contended with and I have an update on the evil roommate too, but alas, that shall also wait for another time.

Hope everyone's had a good weekend!

Sunday, January 23, 2011

And So It Goes

I mentioned it a long time ago, but there was a time in my life in which a ghost pain made even the insertion of the smallest tampon serious pain. I went to doctors, they had no idea. Finally, I went to my doctor, who is also, coincidentally, probably the best gynecologist ever. What she found was disturbing but easily fixable: the most resilient yeast infection ever. Gross, right? I'm sorry I don't censor myself on this blog but I don't :/ Anyway, she made it go away after a week and I thought I would be all better! But no, no. That teensy, easily treatable infection left something much harder to fix in its wake. Dyspareunia.

Which means that it's up to my to fix it now. I have to find a way to convince my brain that the cause of the pain is gone and that it doesn't have to shut up my lady region and refuse to let anything pass. I honestly never consciously think about it. I guess it's just a response my body developed after months of painful penetration. And now it just won't let anything in. It's going to be a slow process to be sure but at least it's in my hands now and it's something I can fix.

In other news, my loneliness has taken a backseat to make room for the absurd amounts of homework that this semester has brought in and which I'm procrastinating right now. I don't know when I'm going to work on teaching my body how to properly behave if I'm lugging around hundred pound books all the time. And in between those two tasks, I also have to write my book. Really. I've written it and re-written portions, entire drafts. I've filled up notebooks with brain-storming and have built up this perfect book in my head that beginning to actually writing seems daunting. I'll just stick to reading Homer thank you very much.

But seriously, the drafts and outlines and ideas I've been culminating ever since I decided I hated my last production have created a really great 'in theory' book. Now, I have to actually type the words and make it something real. Something tangible. Something I can send off to the agents of the literary world and something that will garner me batches of rejection on a weekly basis but also, hopefully, for the first time, maybe a letter that shows some interest. Maybe someone will ask to look at my manuscript. And even if they reject it, at least I'll know that it's on the merit of my work [or lack thereof] and not on my inability to write a query letter more interesting than late-night infomercials. MAYBE, and this is probably asking too much, but someone could accept it. See the potential in my draft and in me and take a chance. I don't need it to be a New York Times' Bestseller or anything. I just have a story. And I know that I'm not going to be able to stop thinking about it until I make something I'm proud of and until I make something I know someone else was proud of, too.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

One is the loneliest number

It's a war that's over. And even if it wasn't, it's not a war I particularly ever wanted to win. The loyalties of the people who are willing to accept a villified, completely outlandish version of me after knowing me for some years are not the kind of people I want to surround myself with. Still, when those are the only people who comprised my little circle of university friends, it's kind of hard to accept loneliness. I have some friends from high school who have still stuck by me. Two go to this school and they're doing the best they can to make sure I don't feel the full effects of being ostracized but there's only so much they can do. While they remain the people I trust entirely, they're not the people I get to see every day.

Those people want nothing to do with me and I feel the full effects of it every day. One of my good friends who's hung by me this whole time, M, is my roommate and one of the best people I could ask for in my life and because she's still friends with that group of people, I know how often they hang out, how often they invite her to things, how often they want to get together to plan their spring break trip and how much they don't want me in attendance.

I don't mean to sound whiny but I just need a place to vent completely. To express this new hurt I feel. It's not like this is the first time I've been dumped by all my friends. It happened to me occasionally throughout high school but it always seemed to all work out in the end. As mad at me as they got, they never stopped believe that I was a truly good person the way my university "friends" have. It's clear: The Evil Roommate has won this war. She went out of her way last Spring to make sure everyone knew how "terrible" I was and, not wanting to start problems nor wanting to be the rat telling the real side of the story and bringing the whole mess up, I kept to myself. Flew under the radar. And that's it.

I guess the problem is that I'm not used to being lonely. I have 5 total friends at university, including J. It just hurts not getting invited to dinners or girls' night or to fun vacations. And it's only exacerbated by the fact that the reason why all this happened is as stupid as any.

I know things will get better and I promise I'm not going to use this blog as a way to complain. It's just good to get this all out in the open. To have someone know how I feel and hopefully, maybe, I won't feel this way for too much longer.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Settling In

In the past week, I've moved into my apartment at University, been reunited with people I haven't seen since the summer and have started school. As far as education goes, it's going to be an obscenely rough semester. It's the semester of too many hours, the thesis, the LSAT and hopefully a job even though that's not really looking up for me right now. Another stresser I've come into the semester with, and I don't know if I've ever written about it here, is the phantom pain in my lady region that's been bothering me since September. September. Why haven't I gotten it fixed, you may ask? Well, I went off to London and the doctors just couldn't figure out what it was. I've been seeing my home doctor and she gave me some medicine to eliminate some common causes. One of these medicines is a cream that is probably one of the least pleasant things I've ever experienced and I have an appointment next weekend to see if it worked. Fingers crossed, folks! Because if it didn't, we gotta keep lookin'. (And for those of you who are worried about this: I've had a full STD panel and it is none of them so we're in the clear there). J's been wonderful at supporting me and he even drives me to my appointments since it's about two and a half hours away.

In other news, I've been trying to settle into the rhythm of classes. It's not too hard now, since, ever since my evil roommate fiasco, the number of friends I have at university has significantly plummeted. But you know what? I don't really mind. They were all people I was never really that close, too and people who never once bothered to ask for my side of the story, preferring to believe that I was as horrible as my ex-roommate would have them believe. It used to bother me but I think I can successfully say that I've let that all go.

I've also become obsessed with this place:

(Google images)

The closest one is an hour and a half away but that didn't stop M and I from going twice this past week. They also have 50 cent hot dogs which is just incredible. Can you believe?

Monday, January 3, 2011


It's time. It's time for that 'goodbye 2010, hello 2011' post that seem to be all the rage right now. So far, I've spent 2011 in the company of good friends, good family and stabbing myself continuously with a sewing needle as I try to finish up J's Christmas present. I am, actually, that un-domestic. Anyway, as I've already kind of reflected, I've decided to type up my New Years' Resolutions so that they exist somewhere in the world, so that I don't completely forget what they are.

Last year, my one resolution was to be more like Sherlock Holmes. To learn marksmanship, self-defense and pick up the basics of another language or two. I am sad to say that none of these things happened. But if there ever was a time for re-invention, it would be the turning of a new calendar page and, with that in mind, here I go.

1. Go to the gym AT LEAST twice a week M-F and once on the weekend. Maybe three times during the week if I know my weekend's going to be busy.

2. Study for the LSAT. Then, subsequently, take the LSAT.

3. Apply to at least 4 law schools, in order to have choices.

4. Get 75% done with my thesis.

5. Finish writing my book and send it's query letter off to the agenting world.

6. Get an internship I'll actually enjoy.

7. Give respect to those who deserve it; patient tolerance to those who don't. Going along with that, refuse to be anything other than who I am. Surround myself only with people who's company I truly enjoy.

8. Keep the love of life that London's re-instilled in me. Appreciate the value of every single day and know, that, in the end, it's going to be a good life.

I won't lie, while I usually don't listen to much of their stuff, OneRepublic's song, Good Life, pretty much seems up the vibe and core of what I'm trying to accomplish this year. What I'm going to strive to always remember. Because, if I can do that, then the rest of the resolutions, I sincerely believe, will come easier. I'll let the lyrics speak for themselves. Happy new year, everyone :]

Woke up in London yesterday, found myself in the city near Piccadilly 
Don't really know how I got here, I've got some pictures on my phone
New names and numbers that I don't know,
addresses to places like Abbey road
Day turns to night, night turns to whatever we want, we're young enough to say

Oh, this is gonna be a good life, this is gonna be a good life
This could really be a good life, good life
I say, "Oh, got this feeling that you can't fight," like the city is on fire tonight
This could really be a good life, a good, good life.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Nice to Meet You!

Hi, world!
My name is Ally and I'm a college senior just trying to make my way in the world. I'm a girlfriend to my wonderful J (2 1/2 years and counting) and mama to my kitties, Neville and Sirius :) I'm a renaissance lady and dabble in little bits of everything. When I was little, I wanted to pop toast at IHOP, be a meteorologist, an actress, an interior designer and a wedding planner and I suppose I still carry little bits of those dreams.

I'm hoping to be a lawyer and a writer. I'm aiming to appreciate the beauty of the world more and more in my every day life. I'm eternally grateful for my wonderful friends, family and cats (<3). I suffer from a wild sense of adventure and wanderlust and aspire to be a world traveler. I love pale pinks, high heels, warm chocolate chip cookies and smiles from the ones I love.

I'm setting up camp in my little corner of the Internet and I'm glad you stopped by!