Thursday, January 5, 2012


I don't think I'm ready to leave :( Then again, who's ever really ready to leave that place where they grew up? That place that always has just the right foods and just the right people to make any mountain into a molehill. That place that remains just unchanged enough that bits and pieces will always be recognizable. It's a very conflicting point in my life right now.

Part of me (and I'm not quite sure how big that part is) yearns for the life I'm building in my own town, in my own apartment. The life where I have to assume more adult responsibilities but that gives me a great sense of fulfillment. The other part of me is alarmed by how much life will continue to evolve at home, while my own changes away.

When I was a little kid, I used to think that when you left a place, it just went on pause and didn't resume life again until you went back. Sometimes, I wish that little-kid me had been right. I don't want to leave home because I don't want it to change. I selfishly want it to stay just like it is so I'll always know the place I'm coming back to.

They say life has seasons (and don't end sentences with prepositions) but sometimes I feel like I'm going to like some seasons so much better than others, that I would postpone the less-favored ones forever if I could. I would live forever in my favorites, suspending moments and reveling in their glory. I would make my home into Neverland, where no one ever grew old and jaded.

A while back ago, my friends and I became obsessed with Johnny Depp and, subsequently, everything he had ever been in. Among those titles was Finding Neverland which, naturally, because I have an obsessive personality, I became obsessed with Barrie, the man it portrays. He had a quote:

The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease forever to be able to do it.

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