Let's Be Honest

Alright now, let's be honest. We all remember that breakout song of 2000, Graduation (Friends Forever). I remember chilling in my best friend's car freshman year, already feeling nostalgic about what our graduation would be like. I don't remember exactly what sort of goals I had for myself back then; I just remember feeling as though the next four years were going to take their dear, sweet time to pass and then I'd go off to college somewhere. At least I was right on one account! I did make it to college but in retrospect, the years flew. Honestly, it's a little insane.

Anyway, this song was on the 69 cent list on iTunes and I felt compelled to buy it since it had played such a big role in my formative years. As I was jamming out to my new purchase, I came across this which is probably the stark honest depiction of what actually happens after graduation (with a few token exceptions of some of my still-best friends).



On another completely irrelevant note but slightly related to the whole 'change is swift' thing: I had to buy my baby sister a pregnancy test yesterday. Traumatizing experience? I think yes. Still processing.

Snow Day 2011

Just last week, temperatures hit an all-time low here in University Town and it started snowing. Not quite London snow but a pretty impressive fall nonetheless. Class was canceled and so, after sleeping in, we gallivanted about taking the obligatory snowscape pictures.

J shoving me into a pile of snow. If I hadn't been wearing about 10 layers, I probably would've killed him right then and there.

The ever adorable A and S! In a completely staged yet completely adorable walking while laughing picture.

Our amazing snowman, coming in at 12 inches, Gertrude! By the time we got around to building him, the snow had started to melt and there just wasn't enough to make him very impressive so we got creative with accessories.

The roommates and I with Gertrude :) He lived well into the next day, bringing smiles to the faces of anyone who happened to walk by our lovely apartment.

The Great Spring Break Debate

As Spring Break draws tantalizingly near (only 23 more days!!), people like me and J are looking forward to the warmer weather. We had another ice day today (not that I'm complaining) and another windchill temperature in the negatives. Not to beat a dead horse or anything but yeah, I really hate the cold. Which is WHY, for Spring Break, J and I are going to begin planning our trip to THIS lovely place!

(Google Images)

We're lucky enough to have similar tastes in vacation destinations so this was a no-brainer. My friend, A, however, is not as lucky. See, she's also a warm-weather creature like myself. Her boyfriend, S, is some sort of polar bear or something. His greatest love in life is probably snowboarding and A's is taking cruises. Normally, this isn't a big deal but for Spring Break, it has sparked some debate. See, their group of friends and my former "friends" are going skiing in New Mexico. I, not being invited and being the resilient person I am, didn't let it phase me too much. It was fine. J couldn't have cared less but S lost himself in complete happiness. This was his dream come true.

Now A was a little distressed. She had wanted to go somewhere warm for the vacation and she felt a little uncomfortable about going with this particular group since Evil Roommate has been trying to make moves on her man since freshman year. Still, they're going. A, on a daily basis, cannot decide if this is what she wants to do or not. She wants to share in something that S enjoys and she wants to spend the break with him. However, it is quite a costly trip for broke college students such as ourselves and if it weren't for S, it would be a no-brainer: she wouldn't go. This has caused tension in their relationship lately. As of now, she's going but arguably, unhappily. 

So I ask you, blogosphere, what do you think she should do? Clearly, this is nothing something she wants to do. And it doesn't help that S has yet to go to California with her though she's been begging since their first date. Should A go to the winter wonderland and be miserable? Would you go with your SO to a place you weren't fond of, even if it didn't seem too thrilled to have you accompany him? These are issues beyond my knowledge.

On a much brighter note, we had an Ice Day today and made Mexican hot chocolate and taquitos. We curled up in big, fluffy bathrobes and watched Fried Green Tomatoes which is actually a really adorable movie and ate Chinese food that left me feeling incredibly bloated. I guess it's the little things.

This is all I have to say.

One of the reasons I chose to stay in Texas was because of the weather. Sunny. Wonderful. But then something happened and it became nineteen degrees outside and, to borrow a post from my Ally Abroad post, this is STILL exactly how I feel.

"They liked lights in the 70's"

I live in a wonderful place, folks. It's got an adorable porch swing and a vintage Parisian theme going on in the living room. It's got brand-new carpet and Christmas lights in the curtains! (Cooler than it sounds, promise). The only problem I have with this main room is that there are no main lights. The light switch just inside the door only turns on our Christmas lights and one lamp. We put another lamp in the back but it doesn't really do much. And, to make matters worse, we really don't get a lot of natural light coming in through the window. It just makes you wonder, what is it with the lack of light going on here?

In other news, the weekend is coming to a close and J and mine's year and a half celebration is coming up in 9 days! I may have never said it on here but before this, and arguably even know, I was completely inept at relationships. I just wasn't into that whole scene and now look at me. Pretty much functional :) But before any celebrations can begin, piles of homework have to be contended with and I have an update on the evil roommate too, but alas, that shall also wait for another time.

Hope everyone's had a good weekend!

And So It Goes

I mentioned it a long time ago, but there was a time in my life in which a ghost pain made even the insertion of the smallest tampon serious pain. I went to doctors, they had no idea. Finally, I went to my doctor, who is also, coincidentally, probably the best gynecologist ever. What she found was disturbing but easily fixable: the most resilient yeast infection ever. Gross, right? I'm sorry I don't censor myself on this blog but I don't :/ Anyway, she made it go away after a week and I thought I would be all better! But no, no. That teensy, easily treatable infection left something much harder to fix in its wake. Dyspareunia.

Which means that it's up to my to fix it now. I have to find a way to convince my brain that the cause of the pain is gone and that it doesn't have to shut up my lady region and refuse to let anything pass. I honestly never consciously think about it. I guess it's just a response my body developed after months of painful penetration. And now it just won't let anything in. It's going to be a slow process to be sure but at least it's in my hands now and it's something I can fix.

In other news, my loneliness has taken a backseat to make room for the absurd amounts of homework that this semester has brought in and which I'm procrastinating right now. I don't know when I'm going to work on teaching my body how to properly behave if I'm lugging around hundred pound books all the time. And in between those two tasks, I also have to write my book. Really. I've written it and re-written portions, entire drafts. I've filled up notebooks with brain-storming and have built up this perfect book in my head that beginning to actually writing seems daunting. I'll just stick to reading Homer thank you very much.

But seriously, the drafts and outlines and ideas I've been culminating ever since I decided I hated my last production have created a really great 'in theory' book. Now, I have to actually type the words and make it something real. Something tangible. Something I can send off to the agents of the literary world and something that will garner me batches of rejection on a weekly basis but also, hopefully, for the first time, maybe a letter that shows some interest. Maybe someone will ask to look at my manuscript. And even if they reject it, at least I'll know that it's on the merit of my work [or lack thereof] and not on my inability to write a query letter more interesting than late-night infomercials. MAYBE, and this is probably asking too much, but someone could accept it. See the potential in my draft and in me and take a chance. I don't need it to be a New York Times' Bestseller or anything. I just have a story. And I know that I'm not going to be able to stop thinking about it until I make something I'm proud of and until I make something I know someone else was proud of, too.

One is the loneliest number

It's a war that's over. And even if it wasn't, it's not a war I particularly ever wanted to win. The loyalties of the people who are willing to accept a villified, completely outlandish version of me after knowing me for some years are not the kind of people I want to surround myself with. Still, when those are the only people who comprised my little circle of university friends, it's kind of hard to accept loneliness. I have some friends from high school who have still stuck by me. Two go to this school and they're doing the best they can to make sure I don't feel the full effects of being ostracized but there's only so much they can do. While they remain the people I trust entirely, they're not the people I get to see every day.

Those people want nothing to do with me and I feel the full effects of it every day. One of my good friends who's hung by me this whole time, M, is my roommate and one of the best people I could ask for in my life and because she's still friends with that group of people, I know how often they hang out, how often they invite her to things, how often they want to get together to plan their spring break trip and how much they don't want me in attendance.

I don't mean to sound whiny but I just need a place to vent completely. To express this new hurt I feel. It's not like this is the first time I've been dumped by all my friends. It happened to me occasionally throughout high school but it always seemed to all work out in the end. As mad at me as they got, they never stopped believe that I was a truly good person the way my university "friends" have. It's clear: The Evil Roommate has won this war. She went out of her way last Spring to make sure everyone knew how "terrible" I was and, not wanting to start problems nor wanting to be the rat telling the real side of the story and bringing the whole mess up, I kept to myself. Flew under the radar. And that's it.

I guess the problem is that I'm not used to being lonely. I have 5 total friends at university, including J. It just hurts not getting invited to dinners or girls' night or to fun vacations. And it's only exacerbated by the fact that the reason why all this happened is as stupid as any.

I know things will get better and I promise I'm not going to use this blog as a way to complain. It's just good to get this all out in the open. To have someone know how I feel and hopefully, maybe, I won't feel this way for too much longer.