So I guess the real question about life is: who do you want to be? One time, my freshman year of high school, I actually sat down and wrote out what kind of person I wanted to be. It was like a job interview with myself. I started with character traits and went on to ask myself, "What would you do in this kind of situation?" It took me about three hours, writing in the dark in the middle of the night but by morning, I had a list. I cut out it, glued it inside my folder and titled it: Ally. See, this was back in the day when I mostly went by Alex. Ally was the girl I wanted to be. She had the courage I never seemed to be able to find and starting the very next day, I began to be her. I began to be the better version of myself.
I hadn't completely forgotten what it was to be Alex. A lot of her personality was right there, too. But things like fear and insecurity were pushed to the side and, by trying every day, I became the person I wanted to be. Now, about eight years later, I feel like it's probably time I do it again. I don't plan on changing my name (again) or anything, but sometimes, I think, it's a good idea to think about the person we actually want to be and live with more intention and less by accident. (Totally stole this quote from someone wiser than me).
The New Ally:
-Isn't afraid to be alone.
-Doesn't feel like she's less worthy than anyone else so is less insecure and much more sure of herself.
-Takes time to see the beauty in the world
-On that same note, takes time to see the beauty of the individual.
-Is not so shy
-Will probably still freak out about the future but know that, somehow and someway, everything will be alright.
The list probably needs some more work and I'll add on to it as time goes on but for now, I must write a 15 page paper due TOMORROW. I feel like procrastination is one of those things that every version of myself will suffer from.