One day, someone told me that life was one big project in risk management. That we would have to make calls that scared us in the hopes that they might pay off one day. Sometimes, we would be wrong and we would have to take our losses but sometimes we would be right and those choices would catapult us onto a whole new level of life we might not have known before. Regardless of what we chose, it would always be in our best interest to choose something. If not, we'd never go anywhere.
This is a nifty idea in theory but lately I've been wondering if I'm not too scared to make those big calls. Lately, I've been thinking that maybe it wouldn't be so bad to stay in one place. I'd never make any big gains but at the same time, I'd never be dealt any major blows either. I don't know. I know I'm way too young to be thinking this way but that might be part of the problem. This is such an uncertain time in my life that even the smallest choice seems to have massive repercussions and I'm afraid. Afraid of being hurt or afraid of making the wrong decisions. I have to actively work at not sheltering myself from all of these choices.
Today and all of this week (and every other week, if we're being honest), I'm being faced with some major calls and I don't know if I want to make them. I wish I could say that I don't know if I should make them because I don't know if they're right but if I'm being honest with myself, I know that's not why. I'm just scared. I'm scared so I would rather do nothing than launch on my risk management project. BAH.